WHEN MOTIVATION DISAPPEARS
Warning: Adult language
Please do not read any further if you are offended by adult language.
Do you start off with a bang and then after a month or two lose your motivation?
Well if you do, you're not alone. This is very common..and I'll tell you why. When we first get started with any weight loss plan (whether it's a good one or a bad one), we hit the ground running. We have all this hope and all this gusto. Sometimes it has taken weeks, months, or even years to have gotten to this point, so there is a lot of expectation built up and often astronomic goals we put on ourselves. At first we might see a little success and this feeds that motivation even more. We start to think we can do it. We start to see it's not so hard after all. We get hyped up and have no problem finding the motivation we need to exercise and eat right.
But what happens after a while? Well what happens is, realization sinks in. We start to realize that this isn't easy and that we have a lengthy road ahead of us. For the first time in a long time, we start to see how overweight we really let ourselves get. We become cognizant of how big this son-of-a-bitching mountain that we have to climb really is. We are staggered by the awareness of it. This is a defining moment...and you need to do the one thing you've never tried before.... embrace it.
All the other times this very same thing happened, you quit. You gave up. You let it scare you, discourage you. You have to look at it differently this time. You have to look at this time as an opportunity to prove something. You have to look at it a turning point, one where you can make a breakthrough.
Weight loss journeys are very comparable to new relationships.
When you start up a new relationship, everything is exciting and exhilarating. You don't see any of the bad, everything is golden. But after a while, all that bliss and giddiness takes a breather and you're left with clearer vision. You begin to see faults and little dissimilarities that start to bug you. But in any worthy relationship, you find a way to get past those and you stay in it based on the solid feelings that are worth sticking around for. When you start a life change to self betterment and weight loss, it's a similar chain of events. You start off with crazy motivation and high hopes. You're all geared up and positive about everything. You're surfing the net for info, trying out new healthy recipes, upping the sweat factor with kick ass workouts, etc.
But then you hit this wall. This Mental Plateau. And you can't find it in you to continue...so you give up. Before you even got out of the gate, you give up. This is where you have to stay based on those solid feelings. The feelings that got you to the motivation in the first place...the hope of a better you, the belief in a happier you, and the aspiration to gain self-confidence, self-worth, & self-love. These emotions and these goals are bigger and stronger than this wall. These emotions are the ones you hold on to. These emotions are the doors. The doors that are hidden throughout this wall. Find them inside of you, and turn the knob. It's simpler than you think.
What it comes down to is a choice. You choose to succeed or you choose to fail. You need to realize that whether you are succeeding or failing, they both come with obstacles and derailments. In this, they are the same. Where they are different is that it is only in failure that we give up. Success is reached by working through the hard times. And working through the hard times OR giving up at the hard times....is a choice.
This blog article was inspired by my Sexy Bitches Workout Group girls (SBWG). I train a group of incredible women and am serving as a mentor for them on their personal weight loss journeys to self-betterment and self-discovery. It has been an honor to work with these girls and I wish them all the best from the deepest part of my heart. They are nine weeks into their journeys and most are struggling with this very same mental plateau I'm writing about. This mental plateau is what happens in the aftermath of that initial blissful and unrealistic jump start. And guess what....
IT'S NORMAL and....IT'S OKAY!!
Most of my girls have had crazy amazing success. It is mind boggling how many inches and pounds have already been lost. But in this journey, as inches and pounds are lost, self-discovery is found. And it's not all good along the way. Again, this is normal and it's okay. Even with all the success they have had, they have hit walls. This is where they need to dig deep and find a door. I have put together a Motivation Luncheon for them at my house this Friday. It is a time dedicated to them. Time to address all of these normal feelings, time to brainstorm ways around it, and time to let loose with girlfriends and have some well-earned fun.
I mean let's get real here, time is flying by. Whether you keep on your journey and stay the course or give up right now, time is still gonna whiz by. So if you stay the course and keep working hard, before you know it, a year will have gone by and you are feeling and looking amazing. OR a year has raced by and you find yourself worse off than you are right now and out of your mind pissed off at yourself because you gave up. Again folks, it's about choice. Do you choose to succeed or do you choose to fail?
Ya, I know we all want a quick fix and want our hopes and dreams to come true yesterday but get a hold of yourself and think for a second. That is NOT gonna happen! Get your wits about you and accept that this takes time.
So who the hell cares how long it takes? Because when it comes down to it, if you choose to give up it will never happen. At least if you stay the course, at some point it will. And believe me, it is well worth the trouble. It's far better than you can even imagine.
I wanted to include in this article the actual letter I sent to each of my girls recently. Because it doesn't just apply to them, it applies to any of you out there who are struggling with something similar in your own personal journey. It certainly would have (and still does apply) to me as well. Nobody is immune to setbacks. NOBODY.
I faced countless setbacks along my weight loss journey and to this day face challenges. That is part of life. For instance, I currently am dealing with a shoulder injury. I haven't weight trained in over two weeks. It's killing me because even though I'm still doing my cardio and eating properly, the longer I get away from weight training, the more it seems it's not part of my routine anymore. I also have noticed that my sweet tooth has been acting up lately. After months on end of absolutely no sugar cravings whatsoever, it seems to have reappeared. So I'm trying to move past these things with the least amount of damage to routine and willpower. These bumps may not seem big to you but I know from experience that it is the little things that can lead to HUGE derailments. But I also know from experience that I have all I need within me to move past these complications and get back on track.
Below is the actual letter I sent to my SBWG girls (please do not be offended by some of the wording, when I wrote it, I had no idea I would be putting this on my blog). I hope you can pull some advice or encouragement from this letter. I mean every word of it.
Hi girls. I want to throw something at ya and I hope you're on board. As a whole, I'm sensing most of you have hit a mental plateau in your journey. I would like to have a second workout group next week and a luncheon to follow.
First off, I want you all to know, I am extremely proud of you. You have been on this journey for over 2 months now. That is something to cherish and acknowledge. But you also need to realize this journey is a long one and just like any long voyage, you will encounter bumps in the road. Some will be physical and some will be mental.
It's okay. This is ALL part of changing and learning. It is impossible to be going 100 miles an hour all the time. You will have periods that you are totally balls to the wall and full of motivation and hope. And then there are times you will hit a wall. It's something that is a fact and will happen no matter how strong your will and you need to not take it as a weakness within you.
This life change is exhausting both physically and mentally and it takes constant work and effort, sometimes that wanes a bit. The strength inside of you is what gets you through that. It's never weakness that slows us down, there's always strength there...it just gets overshadowed by obstacles sometimes. And it's okay.
I've been hearing a lot lately from some of you that you feel guilty. You absolutely need to chuck that emotion in the garbage can. Guilt is a destructive emotion that demands negativity and needs self-loathing to live. It will get you nowhere and it will throw a wrench in the works. There is nothing to feel guilty about. When you hit a wall, you find a door. Lean on me. Lean on the other girls. Write in a journal. Find inspiration from somewhere. Look through old pictures, find the thinner girl you want to be again or look at the 'fat' pictures and tell yourself this is over. You are done with her. Whatever you need to do. Talk to me. I'm not promising I can catapult you out of your funk but I have lived this and I lived through it alone. If I can do it alone, you surely can do this with a support system. I'm telling you, you CAN do this. Don't let your head fuck things up for you. Use it to your advantage.
I know this might sound extreme but you need to look at yourself as a warrior. Silly as you may think that sounds, you are in the fight of your life here. You are fighting for a chance to be healthy and you are fighting for a chance to be happy. This is it girls. And it's a war. You need to take one battle at a time. Some you will win and some you will lose. It's ok. It's what's supposed to happen.
It's unrealistic to think you are going to fly through this journey with no hiccups. If that were the case, every fucking person on this planet would be lean and healthy. This shit is hardcore. It will make you cry, it will make you rejoice. It's an emotional roller coaster. It's supposed to be that way. It's a journey. Not a walk in the park.
Stop feeling guilty for being human. Stop feeling guilty for losing your way. Stop feeling guilty. Period. It's a useless emotion that will steer you down the wrong path.
I want to have a luncheon so we can enjoy each other, talk about the problems that have arose and provide a time we can connect and laugh and tone this down a bit. You are all part of something bigger than yourselves. The SBWG isn't just a bunch of women exercising. This is a group of amazing and worthy beautiful women who have created something miraculous and are chasing their dreams. We have created a sense of belonging and connectedness to one another. We are all searching for the same thing. Happiness. With life, but mostly within ourselves. This is a war worth fighting for. And I'm gonna help you fucking win it.
[ THIS NEXT PART, IS A SECOND LETTER WRITTEN IN RESPONSE TO SEVERAL OF THE GIRLS SAYING THAT I MUST BE READING THEIR MINDS AND THEY WERE SO EXCITED ABOUT THE WORKOUT/LUNCHEON ]
Lol. I can't read minds but I know all the signs. I lived it. I also have my own current struggles. But I have enough time under my belt to realize that I don't have to be superwoman all the time. Every hurdle we move past makes us stronger, makes us more sure of ourselves, and teaches us that we can accomplish anything we put our minds to.
We as women have a strong, almost primal urge, to fix everything and to do everything. We put everyone first and foremost and justify ignoring our own needs because that's just the way it is suppose to be.
Well, a big lesson you ALL need to learn, it that is not how it's supposed to be. We are supposed to take care of ourselves so that we can then be of use to everyone else. It is wrong to ignore ourselves and neglect our needs. It is wrong to put ourselves last. By doing that we are perpetuating this cycle of self-loathing and self-neglect onto our daughters. We put on them what we practice. The best thing we can do for our children is to teach them they always have to love themselves and demand respect not only from others but from ourselves. And those of you who have sons, it is a great gift to bestow upon them a great respect for women. Show them you are important. They will grow up being drawn to strong, intelligent, & loving women. We do this for all of our children every time they see us working out, taking time for ourselves, for our group.
For instance, both my girls know Mommy works out for mommy, no one else. I care about myself enough to set time aside for me, no one else. Both my girls know mommy has a workout group. How amazing is it for my girls to grow up seeing mommy and her girlfriends spend time together? Just for them, nobody else.
All these things you do for yourself is a HUGE lesson and message to those around you. And stop feeling bad if you miss a day or a week. Get back on track. Stop feeling guilty that you slip and are not as careful or motivated as other days. Get back on track. That is yet another screaming out loud message to all around you (but especially to yourself) that nothing will keep you down.
And that when you hit a wall, you don't give up, you find a door.
I wish I had a group like you when I was on my journey. I wouldn't have spent so much time crying and doubting myself. I would've had people telling me it was okay and that I could do it no matter what. That is why I created this group. I love all of you. I want you to find the happiness you deserve. I want you to learn you ARE worth it. And all these hardships that come along with the successes is part of it. Embrace it all so that you can find lessons along the way.
Because when you hit your goal weight and catch your dream. It doesn't mean shit if you haven't come to love who you are. It doesn't mean shit if you haven't learned how to be a fierce warrior who can battle through it. Being skinny isn't happiness. Believe me, it is just as hard to maintain as it is to lose, but it is more than worth it. You need a warrior mentality to be in this for life.
These low moments are when you learn the most about yourself.
Stay strong my sexy bitches, Mama loves you ♥ ♥ xoxoxo
*The information on this site is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis or treatment. All content in this article is for general information purposes only. I am not a doctor, nor am I a dietitian. Talk to your physician before making any changes in your diet or exercise regimen. The information found in this article is from various sources which include, but are not limited to, the sites listed above. I encourage you to do your own research and talk with your physician before making any changes in diet or exercise. What has worked for me may not work for you. This information in this article or on this website should never replace or serve as medical advice.
NEVER DISREGARD PROFESSIONAL MEDICAL ADVICE OR DELAY SEEKING MEDICAL TREATMENT BECAUSE OF SOMETHING YOU HAVE READ ON OR HAVE ACCESSED THROUGH THIS WEB SITE.